So, my Dirty Dancing Remake post from yesterday spurred this great question from PopGurls writer Mala: “How exactly is Penny going to get knocked up by Robbie the creep and have a back alley illegal abortion?!”
Because we ALL know that abortion is way, way too scandalous an option these days to have anyone actually consider it in a movie or TV show. (What they do privately is a whole other story — right, Rick Santorum of the “Our Abortion was Different” camp?)
I offered up the possible plot line that Robbie will give her an STD and Penny is embarrassed to go to the doctor because she had THE SEX. Mala, however, felt that somehow, “Penny has chlamydia so you have to learn The Lift!” just doesn’t work.
So here are our suggestions for Kenny Ortega and the new scriptwriter:
Amy: “Penny has really bad cramps, so you have to learn The Lift!”
Mala: “Penny has an inner ear problem, so you have to learn The Lift!”
Amy: “Penny has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, so you have to learn The Lift!”
Mala: “Penny has Restless Leg Syndrome, so you have to learn The Lift!”
Amy: “Penny has a really painful corn, so you have to learn The Lift!
Mala: “Penny broke her back carrying THREE watermelons, because she’s gangsta like that, so you have to learn The Lift.”
Amy: “Penny shook her maracas too hard, so you have to learn The Lift!”
You’re welcome.
