Written by Amanda, Melynee, Michelle and Amy
The word that everyone’s afraid of.
Melynee: We need to begin with a brief synopsis of events leading up to the viewing of MTV’s “Making the Wideo: Pop.” Both Amanda and I were going to be out of the house during the first run I know. Sacrilege. and so had made arrangements to tape. I returned home to two messages about the program which I dutifully managed to ignore, so as not to be spoiled, and sat down with a glass of wine to indulge. Only to hear, as I began watching the tape, that the program was a “special, hour-long episode.”
Um, fuck me? What?
It was listed everywhere, and I do mean everywhere, as a half-hour. I, uh, lost it. Left a possibly teary and definitely near-hysterical message on Amy’s voicemail. Sent a desperate email plea to Michelle. Immediately checked the listed length of the next airing, and freaked again to see that it was only a half hour. Threatened grievous harm if they didn’t re-air the entire thing. Left a whimpery voicemail for Amanda, on the other coast, giving her warning of the impending disaster. Then settled in to wait for five hours.
It is impossible to tell how many lives were saved by the fact that the re-airing was the whole thing. It’s also vaguely scary to me that by the first commercial I was giddy again, and giving Amanda happy-whimpery updates.
So now that you’ve got the proper background, on to the good stuff.
“The word everyone’s afraid of: pop.” Really, Lance? Everyone? Last I heard, the word everyone’s afraid of is “incest.” Or “welfare.” Or “cunt.” But, um, not “pop.”
Justin thinks Wade’s a very musical person. I wonder what “musical” is euphemistic for, there?
Ok. Up next is the first of several times throughout this “Making of” that JC gets to explain something. And my question is – why the hell did they pick JC? I mean, I heart the Boy I really, really heart the Boy but asking JC to explain something is digging your own grave. The darling little thing wouldn’t know coherency if it bit him on the ass. And yet, he gets to talk about What The Video Means. In fact, everyone does. Everyone except Chris. Who is probably the one out of all of them who would give the best answer. “Man, ‘Pop’ is about us shaking our sorry asses and looking real pretty so the little girlies will love us and buy more records. Which part o’ that confused you?”
For a second there I thought they had replaced Justin’s brain. He called the suburbia the chick in the video lives in “Trumanesque,” and “cookie-cutter.” And then I realized he was referencing the movie, not the president. Also, in the storyboards, why does it look like his necklace says, “Popsicle”? I want it to say, “Popsicle”!
Justin says that he doesn’t think people have ever seen them dance like this before. Justin, honey, we need to have a talk. If you were doing ballet, it would be something we’ve never seen you do before. Unless we count JC’s debut in the “I Drive Myself Crazy” video. But this? Hon, this dancing is hot. It’s fucking sexy. But it is not new.
Justin and Chris in this thing crack my shit up. “This is how I always walk through the backstage lot.” I would pay to go see this in theatres. *sigh*
Here’s the thing: Throughout this whole program, Chris says all the true stuff. The hard stuff. The mean, edgy shit. And he gets away with it, because he’s Chris. “I don’t even know half of these people.” He plays it for laughs, when it’s actually one of the sadder moments of the hour. Or, um, maybe I’m over-analyzing again.
Then he’s an idiot again. “I’ll be up ovah this hee-yuh dashboard so quuhk.” A ha ha.
Oh look. JC’s being incoherent again. And rubbing his nose a lot. Have we found the explanation? Moment of lucidity…to talk. About. Joey. JC really hearts Joey, doesn’t he?
All The Boys talk about how great it is of Wade to step in for the injured Joey. Wade talks about how he just wanted to “make it work.” Yeah. Right, Wade. Dear, I love you, but when you make your blatant bid for domination, don’t pussyfoot around it.
Joey says Wade is the only one who can replace him because Wade’s a tall, skinny, white boy. It’s nice to know that even through the pain, Joe still has a sense of humor.
Who’s bright idea was it to show Joey’s face when he’s getting the tetnous shot. That’s just wrong, man. And yet, I can’t look away…
Again – Chris with the “casting session.” He’s the one talking about how ridiculous it is, and how the one chick who wore the bikini top was smart, because all the guys were all over her. And then he says that they’re all pigs! Oh Chris. You might just be moving up the list.
My favorite moment of this entire thing: JC, breaking in on Wade in the makeup trailer. “You goin’ to get sexified.” Take. Me. Now.
Chris calls Wade on his replacing Joey: “You injured Joey on purpose.” He’s kidding, except that he’s not.
Hee. Lance is the one to point out that Wade adjusting himself “is Joey.” Because you know he noticed. This is the Obviously Gay Lance Interlude, by the way. When Wade is dancing around, demonstrating how he’s going to avoid the camera, and Lance starts grooving in front of him? Ain’t no straight boy doin’ that.
JC’s talking again. Saying how with the changes of clothes they’ll not only be morphing into different outfits, but also into each other. No, Josh, you’re not. God, he is hot, but someone shut the Boy up.
Can I just make another plea here for the job of costume designer? More than one Boy seems to be wearing the bottom half of a baseball uniform during the wardrobe changes. While tight=good, that’s just wrong.
Um. The beatbox. Um. Justin’s mouth. Um.
Lance’s shirt says “(something hidden under a shirt and thus unreadable) like girls.” I will bet a lot of money that the hidden word is “I.” Oh, the irony.
Chris is being fucking funny again. Must. Breathe. “Can you see me past JC’s hair?” Oh lordy.
Yeah. So, the infamous “White Room” shooting sequence, which is so Top Secret they have to kick out the MTV camera crew. Um, are we to assume that this is the stuff we see at the end of the video, in the background, as Justin beatboxes? When JC windmills his arms around, and The Boys are just huge Lichtensteinian blobs vaguely discernible as a backdrop? They needed to release their inhibitions so that they could pretend they were falling? Are they playing with our minds?
Oh god. Justin’s peanut butter and jelly moment. I can’t be coherent here.
Chris. Again. With the MTV people in the morning. “This is when they look tired, and you still stick your camera in their face. Jerks. Just kidding.” Sill played for the comedy, but the animosity is not nearly as well hidden anymore.
Ok – the black chick hugging Joey. She was in Making the Tour, too. With his dog. Who is she? An assistant? A friend? Inquiring minds…
Aww. Justin is so sincerely relieved when Joey finally makes it to the set. *sniffle*
Hee. Chris is going to hurt someone with that cart. Or himself. Yep, there he goes.
I don’t think JC leaves Joey’s side for the rest of the episode. He’s sitting there next to Joey in the chair, running through choreography, and then he reaches over and touches Joey’s knee. Slash writers everywhere rejoice. Then JC does the choreography, just behind the camera, while Joey’s filming, so that Joey doesn’t get lost. JC very clearly doesn’t want to let Joey out of his sight. If this gets any cuter, I might start sobbing.
JC: “I’m about to get groped. That’s all I gotta say.” Guh.
Is it just me, or during this portion of the show does it look disturbingly like JC’s wearing one of those headbands Tori Spelling was so fond of in the latter years of 90210 – the kind that’s just basically the teeth. I’m frightened.
Justin knows exactly how porn he really is. “That’s the money shot! I make miracles happen! I don’t know what the hell I just said.” A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Another familiar face from this program – the guy who kicked everyone out for the “White Room” filming, and introduces a bunch of the shots. Wasn’t he the Technical Director or Show Manager, or whatever, on the last tour? Am I just imagining familiarity everywhere, now?
Joey cannot turn off the flirting. Even when the extras are clearly not feeling it. But look! UNO! Only, not the *NSYNC flavor. Damn.
This Sandra chick, who’s the heroine of the video? Way too nervous. She’s just not working for me. So, uh, I’d like to offer up myself, for the next video. I’ll be frickin’ professional, man. Really. Please.
Heh. JC is complaining about how long he’s been waiting around with nothing to do, and then he walks into a box. Classic.
Justin thanks everyone on the shoot. Awww. Except, Jup, it’s more effective if you actually tell the people then, as opposed to telling the camera, and them only finding out weeks later, when the show airs. Good try, though.
JC loves Joey. LOVES. JOEY.
Lance. Arms. Dear me. Sometime between last tour and this, Lance appears to have stolen JC’s body. Whew.
JC uses the word love twice in two sentences in reference to Joey. Guys. You’re making this too easy
VIDEO: How can I not love a video that begins with Justin saying, “Hey, sassy gurl!” He’s talking to us! He is talking! To! Us! I’m also loving the stylized-ness of it. And making up words, to boot. Although when Justin’s head splits: Woah. Scary. But the stop-action film work, the jagged nature of the editing – they did a good job of marrying the style of the visuals to that of the music. Also. Floor hump. The dancing is fucking. Hot. And I still haven’t had a chance to learn it – fuck. I’m slipping.
The body has given up.
Amanda: By now I should have seen Making the Video multiple times, or at least more than once. But there’s a little thing called work and a little thing like FUCKING hotels that don’t offer MTV but do offer the Disney fucking Channel. Ahem. So, yeah. I’ve seen it once. But, oh. Oh, boys.
I think I heart Chris. He’s turning into the punk boy we’ve all dreamed about, right before our eyes! The spikey hair, the tough-looking choker, the all-black. And, as Melynee said, the meanness. He can be playful with Justin one minute, putting him in a headlock and chasing him around the production lot, and then turn around and mock the entire casting process merely by standing there in his leather pants.
I know I heart Lance, even though I mostly have to base this on past experiences, because where in the HELL was he in this thing? My boy is still beautiful, with those new arms and fluid hips, so perhaps I should be happy that he doesn’t get more screen time, as it would garner him a whole lot of brand new fans. “Joey would have eaten that shrimp.” Ah ha ha. I like how Lance was continually pointing out to Wade that he wasn’t Joey. And, also, only Lance would think to compare Joey to Hugh Hefner, and then stumble over the proper terminology to describe hot chicks: “And he can be surrounded by, um. Bunnies.”
I covet JC’s outfit. The leather pants one, with the gauzy shirt that kept wanting to ride up over his tummy. Or. Perhaps. I wanted it to ride up over his tummy. JC, I find, is most hot to me when he is being petted by other people. For instance, on Larry King Live, when Lance was all snuggling up to him, I found him hot. In the “Pop” video, when he was being groped by all those girls and he remained all aloof, he was SCORCHING. I found myself not even minding the hair. And I simply must mention his obvious attachment to Joey, and should also add that it’s interesting to me that just a week or so ago people were worried that Wade was trying to replace JC, and now that he’s actually replacing Joey, JC has become Joey’s best friend. Commiseration? The mere thought makes me giggle. *NSYNC politics, yo. Oh! And I almost forgot. Sexiest moment in Making the Video: They are practicing the floor hump, and the camera comes up over JC from behind, and his legs are spread wider than I’m expecting, and his hips go all twisty, and wow.
I want to snuggle Joey and bring him painkillers. He was so loopy and slow throughout this entire thing, yet he somehow managed to look all growly when they were filming his parts. That’s professionalism. And, also, it’s bad for my Aggressive Joey issues, because damn. He’s totally giving off that throw-you-against-a-wall vibe again. It’s very, very wrong that he had to wear the same wardrobe as Wade, AFTER Wade had been dancing and sweating in it. Talk about kicking a man when he’s down, “Hey, Fatone, you can’t dance and won’t be in more than five seconds of this video. But smile and look menacing, and by the way, you need to put on these sweaty clothes and pretend it doesn’t bother you that the sweat is not your own.”
I can’t think of anything not embarrassing to say about Justin. But, when he yells at his driver to stop the car, and leans out the window, swallowing, and says, “Peeeeanut butter and jellllly,” and then rambles on about Confucious while Lance gives him a you’re-a-fricking-loon look…I sort of whimpered. Which, on one hand, means that I appreciate that he’s a hot boy with a sense of humor, and don’t necessarily just want him for his hips. But, on the other, it might just mean that I’m on a steam train to crushing on him, and should get. off. Immediately.
I didn’t hate the actual video itself, but I must make a plea for them to cut off the scary part with Justin and the beatboxing at the end. It might have, maybe, been okay in the middle of the video. You know, where the breakdown is in the radio edit of the song. But, as is, it sort of hangs out there on it’s own and feels awkward. It was so painfully obvious that Wade wasn’t Joey, in every single take, that I found myself wishing there weren’t group dance sequences at all, just a series of close-ups. Finally, I can’t believe they wasted money on all the extras for the Lance and Joey scenes. Because, as we’ve said before, they used maybe 30 seconds, tops, of this footage. Please take a moment to mourn all that wasted mojo.
If you can dream it, it’ll happen.
Michelle: JC says so. And he knows. Oh, he knows. For instance, he dreamed that he would get groped in a hall of scantily clad women, and look what happened!
The mind is a powerful thing, indeed.
First off, god bless MTV. For once they did something right. The Boys should be allowed to videotape their own footage all the time. They fulfill the needs of the slashers more than any script ever could, bless their hyperactive hearts.
Oh, the video? Yeah, well, screw the video, let’s stick to the “Making of” said Video. I enjoyed it a lot more than the actual video. The video sort of gives me a headache. It’s like they had all these ideas, and not enough time to play with them, so they crammed as much shit and special effects in as they could and just kind of hoped it would make a cohesive whole. Like the main girl? The “heroine”? What the hell was she the hero of? She really didn’t seem to do much but bounce around in the background in that delightful fishnet top. I wouldn’t have even realized she was the same girl as the one at the beginning: Did I miss her getting sucked in to the world o’ pop? Maybe she got sucked into the closet with Lance and Joey, and they couldn’t find their way out. Which reminds me, don’t blink, or you’ll miss those two bouncing boys. And the beatboxing at the end? Justy, Justy, Justy, no.
I’m sorry, no.
Oh, and JC, what was that shit about the “white room” being a place where you had to cut loose and be crazy? You realize that most people will watch the video like 10 times before realizing that that’s you floating by Justin’s lips, right?
Disappointment with the video aside, it don’t matter, because we had frisky boys to make up for it! Chris, Chris, how I adore Chris! From the chase scene to him sassing the director, he was on FIRE. Love him. I was a wee bit sad that Chris didn’t get any of the chicks. Chris, honey, you gots to fight for your right to da hos. Come on laddy, I know you got it in you. Ex-djs need love and hoochie-mamas too.
I am a little upset at them for being so fucking cute. This has done nothing for my issues but make them worse. Bastards. They’re too fucking normal for my own good. Have they no consideration for my sanity?
I want to be surrounded by women.
Amy: Unlike the rest of the gurls, I did not tape it. So I don’t have numerous watchings to refresh my memory. I do however, still have a near-hysterical Melynee on my voicemail – utterly distraught that she didn’t tape the entire hour. But that’s that…
Everyone loves Joey. (I knew it!) But JC really, really, loves Joey. When he was sitting there, all sad about how it wasn’t the same – tacking on that half-hearted comment about Wade being “one of us” because he didn’t want to seem petty – I just wanted to hug the boy. Tell him it’d be okay – that Joey would be back soon and he still loved him.
Lance was all bitca-y. Although I loved the look on his face when Justin was rambling on about his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That was too funny for words.
Chris and Justin should go on the road. I mean, I knew that Chris was “the funny one” but they play off each other incredibly well. I was laughing my ass off during the “chase scene.”
“It seems like the pursuer is an old fart.”
Justin has really, really hairy arms.
“Can you see me over his hair?”
JC actually looked hot. His not-caring about the gurlie-gropage was, well, mmm… yes.
The extra gurls were playing UNO! Not *NSYNC UNO but still – UNO! (Yes, I know it’s sad that I noticed that.)
You can totally tell it’s Wade. That bothers me. Not!Joey bothers me a lot
I heart Joey. But he’s got to kick the skanky-chicks to the curb.