How to Be Hot

Men, we're easy to please. We know, we know, you're thinking "but, they're such complex, wonderful creatures! How could it possibly be easy to please them?" Well boys, it is easy. Amazingly so. And we're here to help. Because, really, what have we got to lose? More hotties walking the streets of the free world? We're down with that.

1. Worn blue jeans. Levis. Button fly. Slung low on the hips. Get them. Now. No, we didn't say new, we said worn. Strategically placed holes would not be inappropriate, either.
   
2. Chunky silver rings, placed on random fingers. Though we would highly suggest one on the middle finger of either hand. Just. One. Ring. And may we suggest a thick, chunky ring for your thumb on the other? Just a thought.
   
3. Stubble. We're not talking Miami Vice or George Michael here. God no. Just put the razor away for a day or two. Mmmmm...makes a world of difference. (If you cannot grow sufficient stubble, please skip this step. There is nothing creepier than unfulfilled stubble. It will negate even the worn blue jeans. *shudder* [Melynee: Stubble is a touchy thing. Heh. Or maybe I just have too many episodes of faceburn in my past. Ow.]
   
4. Wife beaters. No, we don't like the name either, but we like how they look. Especially when paired with, say it with me: WORN blue jeans.
   
5. Tattoos. (JC. This means you. Needles, shmeedles.) Totally a personal preference, and some gurls may argue with us here, but there is nothing sexier than a well-placed, beautiful tattoo. Hula girls do not count. We said beautiful.
   
6. Mussy hair. Mmmmm...not much we can say about that...just...mmmmmm...
   
7. Leather necklaces. Tight. a la Jordan Catalano. NOT a la JC, although Melynee might want to sit you down and convince you otherwise. Nothing with a Leo symbol at the end of it is hot. It's not the 70's and it is not cool. [Melynee: Um, as long as he keeps wearing muscle shirts, who cares what's around his neck?]
   

2001-06-01