Cracked has posted another one of their classic lists — this time taking on really, really bad self-defense books for women. Really bad.
5 Self-Defense Books for Women (Who Want to Lose a Fight)
Some selected commentary:
“If you’re expecting to learn how to drive a spin kick into your mugger’s pressure point, this is the wrong book. However, if you want to see some pictures of older ladies screaming at their gynecologist, let’s get this party started!”
?”But what about if your dentist starts choking you? Fucking Bullard has a whole chapter on that! He shows you how to defend against anonymous hands darting out of men’s room doors, how to escape from a homicidal tennis partner, and even what to do when a man with a bag on his head grabs your boobs at the bus stop.”
There are pictures to illustrate all of these things. You MUST see the man with a bag on a his head grabbing a lady’s boobs. (She, however, does not look the least alarmed — more like, “Is that bus ever coming? Did i leave the chicken in the oven?”
Speaking of photos from the books — Seanbaby has utterly hilarious commentary on all of them. I just want to spend the next week going up to people and yelling:
Oh god, it’s been a long long time since I laughed so hard at something that I couldn’t breathe, or stop crying. I keep going back to this, trying to read lines to people and failing miserably because I am laughing so hard that I am actually wheezing. I HURT from laughing so hard — go give yourself the same kind of pain.