It’s the last hurrah at the beach, and Ellie is none too happy that Marco is dragging her along with his friends. Hanging with the “pure evil” Paige is not her idea of fun. Marco’s retort about Paige being “very sweet” reminds me of every gayboy’s love for the bitchy Miss Madonna and her kin. And Marco’s outfit, a sharp contrast to gothchick Ellie’s black uniform, just cements his card-carrying gayboy status: coral necklace, pink tank, sandals and green linen capris with a drawstring. No straight boy wears capri pants (see JC Chasez). After the beach trip, Marco’s off to get his card laminated.
They make it to the van where everyone is gathered and Paige takes in Ellie’s outfit. She is surprised, being under the impression that vampires can’t go out in the sun. Ellie is even less amused than before. Dylan, Paige’s very, very cute older brother who’s on driving duty, gets a mischievous glint in his eye when Marco calls shotgun. (Not shogun, as I typed three times. That would make this a completely different kind of gayboy melodrama. I’m assuming there’d be more costumes – and perhaps less linen capri pants.) Dylan, whose card was laminated years ago, checks Marco out as Marco clicks in his seatbelt. And thus we find ourselves in the first of the slashiest, non-porn portrayal of two boys who obviously want to tear each other’s clothes off and make with the lovin’. Seriously. I could feel myself blushing. Marco licks his lips here, people. Dylan manages to pull himself away from the mutual boylove and quickly starts driving off to the place where everyone gets wet and takes (most of) their clothes off.
I too know I can make it through!
Jimmy, Spinner, Hazel, Paige and a still grumpy Ellie pile out of the van. Spinner refuses to take Paige’s basket of towels down to the beach because he doesn’t want to look like “some homo.” Dylan cocks his head, shooting him a “you did not just say that” look over Paige’s head. Spinner tries to dig himself out of the hole with a “homo, not as in gay, as in…” “Milk?” Dylan offers. Paige and Dylan laugh, and Dylan says that he had already told Paige not to bring the stupid basket. Paige snips that she told Spinner not to be an insensitive jerk. Ouch.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Spike is carrying Baby Jack around the house. Snake sneezes as he comes in, and she admonishes him for bringing in germs. Emma complains about Jack’s all-night screamfests and the constant dripping in her new basement bedroom. Snake shows off the foam he just bought to cover the pipes and cuts himself badly as he tries to take the wrapping off. Spike is concerned about someone other than Baby Jack for a whole five seconds, and rushes to look at his hand. Then Snake makes the horrific mistake of sneezing again and Spike throws another tantrum about getting Jack sick. Snake kicks himself out and makes plans to stay at Joey’s for the weekend.
As the popular kids head to the water, Marco and Ellie lag behind. Marco snaps that it was a mistake to invite his pseudo-girlfriend. Methinks his realization is less about Ellie’s discomfort than his newfound boycrush and he doesn’t want a chick cramping his style. But Ellie is damn tired of playing Grace to his Will and Marco promises that there will be no more lies. Then he stomps off to the rest of the crew when Ellie says she’d rather read than play along.
And she does read. Sitting under an umbrella, a good twenty or so feet from everyone. I think the initial idea was that she was shading herself from the harsh sun, but it’s such a frickin’ dreary day that she seems like the only sane one out there who’ll be able to withstand the incoming downpour. Random volleyball action shots roll out with the same theme: Spinner sucks, and boy how much. Dylan, however, rules the court and proves that gayboys not only have great fashion sense but are quite skilled in the physical arena as well. After the games, Dylan offers the boys tickets to his hockey exhibition opener. They’re all excited to go.
Marco waits for everyone to leave before he makes his big move. Thus leading us into the second scene of two boys who’d much rather be tearing each other’s clothes off, but can’t because this is a teen show. He comments that Dylan demolished them in the game, and Dylan explains the perfect serve, which comes off like an instructional guide on how to woo: “The trick is to toss the ball lightly, and then serve. Don’t slam. Control.” Dylan tells Marco to pretend he’s the net, to try to get the volleyball over. He stands spread eagle a few feet away. Oh my. I just… oh my. Poor Marco, that’s all I’m saying. How is he supposed to resist? It looks like Marco is doing everything not to fall apart and when Dylan compliments his serve and touches his shoulder, he’s just seconds away from twirling his hair and toeing a line in the dirt. Dylan gives him a once over before leaving Marco to stare after him, hopelessly smitten.
In the Jeremiah household, Craig plays about two notes on his guitar before making with the Ashley smoochage. They plan their night of babysitting, which pretty much includes more and more smoochage. (And who wouldn’t want to? They’re the cutest couple!) The doorbell rings and it’s Snake to interrupt the plan of hot and heavy makin’ out. Craig gets snippy about this, but Joey pretty much tells him to cut the crap. Snake just looks deathly ill. Poor sick Snake – no one wants him!
While Spinner, Jimmy and Marco roughhouse, Dylan, Paige and Hazel gossip. Dylan asks Paige about Marco’s status and is quite surprised that Marco’s been taking up with a girl! Paige catches on to the budding crush and teases Dylan that not everyone is gay – he counters with the fact that he, once a upon a time, dated girls. The gossip group catcalls some random jogging boys, which Spinner overhears. Apparently his delicate ears are offended, as is the rest of him. He thinks it’s gross to kiss another guy. Jimmy points out how Spinner was all over Marco a few moments ago. Points for Jimmy. The boys run off, leaving Marco pensive about his friends’ attitudes.
Craig and Snake are playing a video game as a bored Ashley watches. Snake stands up and falls back, almost passing out. All of a sudden, he’s got a bloody nose. Craig and Ash aren’t quite sure what to do but Snake blows it off and insists on playing another game.
It’s barbeque time back at the beach! Ellie plays guitar as hot dogs get burned to a crisp. Hazel slathers about 2 inches of mayo on sliced bread and I get nauseous. Paige instructs Spinner on how to toast her marshmallow properly – apparently she doesn’t like them black as charcoal. The chick doesn’t know what she’s missing. Spinner, ever the one for the romantic gesture, tells Marco to sit with Ellie. Marco follows the instruction and asks her what she’s playing. Spinner keeps playing puppet master and Marco plays along, putting his arm around Ellie. Ellie, taken aback, jerks away and Paige says that it’s okay to be snuggly with a boyfriend. Ellie announces that they broke up. Instead of confirming or denying it, Marco runs off. And who follows him? That’s right. Dylan. It’s quite romantic, actually – Dylan finds him on the rocks near the water and sits next to him. You almost expect him to wrap his arm around Marco, or at the very least, slide his hand over and hold Marco’s. Alas, they sit together, silently. So sweet!
Back at school, Spinner and Paige discuss “the breakup.” Spinner is strangely consumed with Marco’s lovelife. And he’s obviously hurt that Marco didn’t tell him. One might think that Spinner has ulterior motives… Anyway, Paige says that the breakup may not be the only thing Marco is lying about and tells him about Dylan’s suspicions. Spinner reminds her that Marco dated Ellie, and Paige brings up Dylan’s past relationships. I’m with her when she says that Marco and Dylan would make a cute couple. Because they would! Not quite as cute as Craig and Ashley – but close! However, Spinner won’t accept them as a couple. Once again, I smell ulterior motives.
Marco primps in the bathroom, sporting a brand new Maple Leafs hockey jersey. It probably still has the tags on it, it’s so new. Jimmy and Craig call him on it and ask why he didn’t tell them about ending things with Ellie. Marco says that he was embarrassed about “Dell Studly losing his girl.” I’m sure Jimmy and Craig had the same reaction as me: “When the hell was Marco ‘Dell Studly’?” Jimmy tells him not to worry, that there are other fish in the sea. Spinner comes up, noting the new jersey, and quizzes him on a sports trade. Marco fails the test miserably and Spinner storms off. Oh Spinner, so sad that he’s losing his Marco to a studlier boy!
Marco sees Dylan in the student lounge down the hall, and we know it’s a set up for Unresolved Sexual Tension glance number six million, four hundred thirty six. Marco stares at him, and he’s so obvious, so over the top, so freakin’ dramatic that I had to laugh. A lot. Because, while it’s a melodrama, it’s just a bit too much. I may need to put a towel beneath my TV to soak up all the sap. Marco finally gets up the nerve to tap on the window and Dylan looks up, and it’s quite apparent that he’s just as happy to see Marco. Dylan asks if he had fun at the beach and Marco twiddles his hair more. Then he notes that Marco is a fan of “the buds” which just confuses Marco. Turns out, “the buds” is a nickname for the Maple Leafs – the jersey Marco is wearing. Ouch! Well, at least hockey playin’ Dylan knows he’s interested ‘cuz Marco ain’t wearing it for any sort of team support.
The resident bad kid (RBK), who looks more like he belongs in blink-182 than juvie, enters the lounge, warning Marco not to “drop anything in front of ‘Homo Chuck.'” (I have to admit, I was really confused by this. Is ‘homo chuck’ some sort of Canadian slur?) Dylan, the bad-ass, self-assured boy that he is, challenges RBK by tossing a book in front of him. RBK leaves, and you can almost hear Marco squeal, “Ohmygod, he’s cute, athletic, and oh so manly – he is so my boyfriend!” Then Marco bends over and picks up the book in front of Dylan. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And the motion is not lost on Dylan, who looks Marco up.and.down. It’s just a matter of time, people.
In another hall, Emma asks Craig if ‘Snake the houseguest’ ruined his weekend. She says her mom was being unreasonable, that Snake just had a cold. A concerned Craig tells her that it might be worse.
Outside, Marco is flittering around like a social butterfly. Can they make him anymore obvious – kissing girls on the cheek as he passes by? What straight boy does that in high school? Exactly. Spinner watches this and finally, finally it clicks. (Does this make him relieved that Marco may one day reciprocate his feelings? Or is he still Spinner the homophobe? Dun dun dun!) In chemistry, Spinner asks Marco why he and Ellie split. Marco says that they felt more like “brother/sister. Friends.” Which is not only an understatement, it’s pretty freakin’ creepy. But Spinner, trying to test any last thread of heterosexual impulses in Marco, decides to pair him up with Hazel and Marco reluctantly agrees.
After class, Manny asks Snake to donate something for the Junior Spirit Squad’s silent auction. Emma comes up later and informs him that she knows about his passing out. Snake snaps at her concern, and Emma drops the subject, but he’s already given his worries away. He can’t blow this off like he did with Craig and Ashley. Snake uses his combo palm pilot/phone (which I’ve been considering getting for ages, but have ultimately decided is unpractical) to make a doctor appointment. The camera slowly pans so we can see that his cut has still.not.healed.four.days.later. It’s very dramatic, trust me.
At the local diner-y place, Marco, Hazel, Paige and Spinner laugh through a double date. Marco is the life of the party, and after recanting a particularly funny flick, Hazel asks if he’d like to go again. Marco tosses out a quick response and leaves the table to get drinks for everyone. Ellie comes in and sees the crew. Hazel sees Ellie and runs to the counter to lay claim on her man. Ellie shoots Marco a snarky look. She rolls her eyes at her best friend’s inability to keep his promise: no more lies. Dramatic music plays as Marco longs to be true! He really doesn’t want any more lies! He wants to be free with his cute, athletic and oh so manly boylove! He tells the table that he needs to help his mom with cooking and eyes Ellie across the room. Hazel asks Paige what she did as Spinner follows Marco out.
In the doctor’s office, Snake gets bad news. Once the doctor mentions bone marrow, Snake perks up. His symptoms point to leukemia, but there is a good chance he can overcome it because of the early detection. Poor Snake! Poor sick Snake2!
Spinner runs after Marco, yelling at him. What is he doing? Why is he leaving one of Degrassi’s hottest chicks behind? Marco doesn’t turn around, keeps walking. Tells Spinner to leave him be but Spinner keeps pressing the issues. He pushes Marco up against a wall and Marco pushes back. There’s a whole lot of pushing, UST going on. And then Marco starts to cry. Why would he walk out on one of Degrassi’s hottest chicks?
“Because I’m gay,” Marco cries.